lisamia

Interesting day to update

2007-04-02T06:46:59Z

Haven't posted in forever, but thought it would be a good time to catch up. Life is better. Joe is better. He goes to school every day; takes the bus; has been able to cut back on meds and therapy. Saturdays are the bad days recently, but this last Saturday, he and I went to get our hair cut, then we went to lunch, and then he went with me to the hardware store. He didn't hide in the car. He didn't have an anxiety attack. We had fun. I think to myself, it's a miracle, but it's not. It's Joe's strength and mine. I am very proud of both of us. I got through the big scary meeting with David and the lawyers, Thursday. Nothing is certain, really, but it looks good for the kids and me--keeping the house, and me getting two or three years to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. When I got home, after the meeting, I set up my copier/printer/fax machine that's been hiding in my closet for months. I've been scared to set it up, fearing I'd do something stupid and break it or my computer. I kept waiting around for a man to do this, because it's what men do. But after standing up to David's lawyer, I came home and set up the damn printer. It works great! If anyone wants a fax, let me know!

Oh, and then there is this: http://theharrow.com/journal/index.php/journal/article/view/2103/572

Novel

2006-08-12T18:29:43Z

Very excited. I think I figured out where Los Angeles ends up.

What famous painting am I?

2006-08-11T16:59:07Z

You Are Best Described By...

The Starry Night
by Vincent van Gogh

What Famous Work of Art Are You?

Monkey Girl! How could you???

2006-08-11T06:42:55Z

Who Wants to be a Superhero spoiler...

Monkey girl was my favorite superhero, until tonight when she was busted on being a liar (she's an actress!) and revealing her secret identity!! Oh well, Captain Victory is still in the running. OMG, what if Creature wins???

wow I am improving

2006-08-09T05:06:58Z

I died in the Dungeon of Lisamia

I was killed in a crystalline tomb by Rambleflower the arch-demon, whilst carrying...

the Dagger of Writing, the Sword of Writing, the Armour of Science Fiction, the Axe of Music, the Crown of Sallytuppence, the Sceptre of Science Fiction and 3 gold pieces.

Score: 51

Explore the Dungeon of Lisamia and try to beat this score,
or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...

aaaghhhh

2006-08-08T14:49:49Z

I died in the Dungeon of Lisamia

I was killed in a torchlit gallery by Randomperson127 the nymph, whilst carrying...

the Dagger of Writing and 0 gold pieces.

Score: 0

Explore the Dungeon of Lisamia and try to beat this score,
or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...

Good place

2006-08-08T14:26:54Z

I have the best friends and the best kids. Jenn, I love you.

I wrote for a long time, yesterday. Taking the story one step at a time, and letting the characters lead me, seems to be working. It's fun, too, because I get to see what happens next instead of force it. I don't know if this way of writing will get me to the end of the book, but at least it's taking me to the middle.

Joe spoke to his best friend, on Saturday--first time in a year. They chatted for hours on the phone, and then got online together to spam each other. He was laughing and sounding like a 15 year old kid. Angela and I were so happy.

Life is good.

game!

2006-08-07T21:32:13Z

I died in the Dungeon of Lisamia

I was killed in a half-collapsed catacomb by Fadigdig the zombie, whilst carrying...

the Dagger of Writing, the Shield of Glances Benign, the Axe of Music and 24 gold pieces.

Score: 12

Explore the Dungeon of Lisamia and try to beat this score,
or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...

love them endorphins

2006-08-01T21:31:04Z

Just had a 90 minute class at the dojo, and I am feeling grrreat. I sweated buckets, drank tons of water, getting all the anxiety toxins out of my body. I wore my new sports bra, and I am in love! I've been studying martial arts for 8 or 9 years, and it has never failed to save my life and restore my desire to keep going and get what ever job I have to do, done.

Joe has gone on walks with me two days in a row. He's been in pretty good spirits, too. I think walking in the morning is getting him up before he has a chance to sink down. Keeping my fingers crossed it will continue.

That collage workshop turned out to be every helpful for the novel. Mostly, it enabled me to see the characters more clearly and 3D. I keep the collage by my side as I write and look at it when self consciousness starts making me freeze.

Being unmarried

2006-07-30T02:51:54Z

I went to a workshop, today, with Jenn. It was run by romance writers. The workshop was great, and everyone was very nice, but I was having a really hard time with feeling unmarried, surrounded by women with husbands and small children. Every joke about hubby just pissed me off. I realized I am harboring a lot of bitterness toward married women. It's like I was in the club and now I am not. It has nothing to do with David. I can't stand him and I am so happy not being married to him. It's the identity of being married, of being a wife. It's safe. It's like this cloak of security, and I miss it. And yet, I am loving being unmarried. I have a sense of freedom I only had once before--when I realized I was a writer. There are no strings attached. It's just me making it happen, making the words appear on the screen. Creating worlds. Creating my life, just the way I want it.

We made collages today, cutting out pictures we felt were about our books and pasting them on poster paper. Mine filled both sides of the paper, and it was chaotic and beautiful. It made me wonder about the premise of the novel. I've always felt it was about disconnection. I think it still is, but I think it's also about power and freedom.

drum roll please...

2006-07-27T21:47:46Z

I just put together a bookcase using my new powerdrill!

Reflections

2006-07-27T06:20:18Z

I figured out what happens next in the novel. I realized that I was reaching to far and not allowing my characters to put one foot in front of the next. When I pulled back and let them just walk, it was so clear. I have no idea what the step is after this one, but it sure feels good to get a teeny bit further than I was yesterday.

Joe and I were driving home from his doctor, tonight, and discussing the need for privacy in therapy and the stigma of mental illness. The subject drifted to people telling me that I should just get Joe to 'cheer up', or 'snap out of it'--that they equate psychotic depression with unhappiness. It's not unhappiness, it's a dire illness. Joe and I talked about that, how he and I know what this is. That he and I know what this has been the last two years. In a selfish way, I suppose, it made me feel good, that this is between him and me. Reminds me Frodo and Sam and the end, back in safety, but they had this place where no one else could go. I feel I have that with Angela too, with the long talks we've had about everything that has happened. We've had such a horrible time, but we've been traveling through it together, getting through it, and slowly, it's getting better. And in the end, we know how strong we are and how much we love each other. Looking at it that way, it's okay. It's our burden.

David is just a person. Yes, he is brilliant and used to wielding a lot of power, but in the end he's just a person, like me. I don't have to be afraid of him. I can face him at that meeting and get through it.

The ups and downs.

2006-07-26T13:48:51Z

I finally took the whole 90 minute class at the dojo, last night. It's been weeks and I was scared I wouldn't make it through warm up, but I felt pretty good and did the whole thing. I feel like I am slowly getting my energy back.

I got a letter from my lawyer, yesterday. Looks like we are going to have the four way meeting soon. David's lawyer stated they don't agree that sole custody is a moot issue. This isn't going to be fun, but it must be done. I have to protect Joe and myself.

I am stuck on the novel, but what else is new?

Joe and Mom at the end of the world

2006-07-23T16:28:30Z

After a very busy day, I made dinner and sat down to relax and watch a movie. And then...power outage. Yesterday's temp was somewhere close to 108 and at 5 PM, it was still very hot. Angela had gone to a friend's house, so it was just Joe, me, and the cats at home. We sat together in the living room and read for about an hour--still no power.

I called the electric company emergency number. They had a tape recorded message: Glendale is experiencing a power outage. If you have any knowledge on its cause, please leave a message. If you are calling to tell us that you have no power, we know. Please don't leave a message.

At that moment, this weird chaotic wind started blowing. Joe and I went outside. Storm clouds lurked, and the winds blew hot around us.

Joe said, "You know what this reminds me of?"

"War of the worlds?" I answered.

"Yeah."

Joe was wearing his Douglas Adams tee shirt. It has 42 on the front and a man wearing a towel on his head on the back. I said maybe we should get our towels and stick out thumbs in the air. We both laughed, but then went back inside and it was as scary and hot as before--except it was getting dark.

"Want to go to grandma's?"

"Yeah."

We went back inside, made sure the kitties had ample food and water, and their litter boxes were clean. Then we got in the car and headed for Hollywood and my mom and dad's house. It was just as hot there as in Glendale, and they don't have air conditioner. They never have had it. I watched the end of LA Confidential and end of The Big Lubowski with my mom. At about 10PM, Joe came in and said he was going nuts and couldn't be there because it was too hot. I asked him if he wanted to go home and see if the power was on, but come back if there was no power. He said okay, so off we went.

No power, when we got home. House was pitch black and sweltering. I had no idea where any of our multitude of flash lights were. I said, "Let's go to Sav-on and buy some flash lights, then check the house again. If there's no power, let's go get something to eat." Joe said okay. I noticed he was doing well, given the stress and terror of no lights, tv, computers, weird end of the world heat and wind.

There's all these new fangled flash lights at Sav-on. I bought three fancy ones and two more that plug into wall sockets, but have batteries. They turn on if there is a power failure. We drove by the house again, still no power. By now it was 11 PM. We went to In and Out, as it was the only place open, and got burgers. We were starving! Sucked the food down, and laughed and made end of the world jokes. Again I noticed how well he was doing. It was the middle of the night and we were in a crowded restaurant, and home was not safe. And Joe was laughing, eating, having a good time. One of the servers yelled out, "Guest 42, your food is ready!" Joe and I gave each other a knowing look.

Midnight and home, no power. We had our flash lights. I plugged in the one in the bathroom, and turned it on. Then we both went to bed with our flash light. I woke at 2 AM to the sound of my ceiling fan turning on. The lights were on. I got up and Joe was in the kitchen, dancing with the cats. "It's back!" He told me. We both cheered and danced some more. The house was already cooling down some. I asked him if he realized how well he did and he nodded, said yeah. We hugged and went back to sleep, now in comfort.

stud finder

2006-07-22T20:39:41Z

Angela and I are hanging paintings and photographs. I bought a stud finder and it's actually working. I wonder if I could locate Keanu Reeves with it... Anyways, The paintings are looking beautiful on the walls of my new house. There's a bunch and some photos that need framing or reframing, so I am off to Aaron Bros to take care of that. The green and beige walls make you want to just go ooooh with the painting hanging on them. Very cool. I love my house.

lisamia @ 2006-07-21T09:33:00

2006-07-21T16:41:00Z

Stole this from Norilana

You scored as III - The Empress. The Empress is a maternal symbol. She is the mother figure who loves, nurtures and protects.
She will protect you, she will always be there when you are in trouble. When you fall over and graze your knee, the Empress will kiss it better.
Yet she is not a weak figure. Her compassion is strength. If her children are threatened she will stop at nothing to protect them. If well aspected in a Tarot spread, the Empress can symbolise security, protection and unconditional love. If badly aspected it can represent over-protectiveness, fear of risk taking and refusal to face the real world.

</td>

III - The Empress

100%

II - The High Priestess

88%

XIII: Death

88%

IV - The Emperor

88%

XI: Justice

75%

0 - The Fool

69%

VIII - Strength

69%

I - Magician

63%

XVI: The Tower

63%

XIX: The Sun

56%

VI: The Lovers

50%

X - Wheel of Fortune

44%

XV: The Devil

38%

Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

meme thingie

2006-07-18T15:47:37Z

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

× I miss somebody right now.	× I don't watch much TV these days.	✓ I own lots of books.
✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses. (glasses)	× I love to play video games.	✓ I've tried marijuana.
✓ I've watched porn movies.	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes. (And they all have warts and mildew.)	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

* * * * *

× I have broken someone's bones.	✓ I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.	× I hate the rain.
✓ I'm paranoid at times.	✓ I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.	✓ I need/want money right now.
✓ I love sushi.	✓ I talk really, really fast.	× I have fresh breath in the morning.
× I have long hair.	✓ I have lost money in Las Vegas.	✓ I have at least one sibling.
× I was born in a country outside of the U.S.	× I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.	✓ I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
✓ I like the way that I look. (well, there are bits)	× I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.	× I am usually pessimistic.
✓ I have a lot of mood swings.	× I think prostitution should be legalized.	× I slept with a roommate.
✓ I have a hidden talent.	× I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.	✓ I have a lot of friends.
× I have pecked someone of the same sex.	× I enjoy talking on the phone.	✓ I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
✓ I love to shop and/or window shop.	× I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.	× I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
✓ I have a mobile phone.	× I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.	✓ I've rejected someone before.
× I currently like/love someone.	× I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.	✓ I want to have children in the future. (I have them in the present)
✓ I have changed a diaper before.	× I've called the cops on a friend before.	× I'm not allergic to anything.
✓ I have a lot to learn.	× I am shy around the opposite sex.	× I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
× I have at least 5 away messages saved.	✓ I have tried alcohol or drugs before.	× I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
✓ I own the "South Park" movie. (I did, but my ex husband has custody.)	× I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.	✓ I enjoy some country music.
✓ I would die for my best friends. (defintely)	✓ I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.	× I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
✓ I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy. (three musketeers rule)	× I have dated a close friend's ex.	× I am happy at this moment.
✓ I'm obsessed with guys.	✓ Democrat.	× Republican.
× I don't even know what I am.	× I am punk rockish.	× I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
✓ I study for tests most of the time.	× I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.	× I can work on a car.
✓ I love my job(s).	× I am comfortable with who I am right now.	× I have more than just my ears pierced.
✓ I walk barefoot wherever I can.	× I have jumped off a bridge.	× I love sea turtles.
× I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.	✓ I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.	× I am proficient on a musical instrument.
✓ I hate office jobs.	× I went to college out of state.	× I am adopted.
× I am a pyro.	× I have thrown up from crying too much.	✓ I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
✓ I fall for the worst people.	× I adore bright colours.	× I usually like covers better than originals.
× I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.	✓ I can pick up things with my toes.	× I can't whistle.
✓ I have ridden/owned a horse. (and usually fall off)	✓ I still have every journal I've ever written in.	× I talk in my sleep.
× I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.	× I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.	× I wear a toe ring.
✓ I have a tattoo. (kangi says dream. My daughter has the same one. Back of our necks. We got them New Years eve 2005.)	× I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.	× I am a caffeine junkie.
✓ I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.	✓ If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.	× I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
× I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.	✓ I'm an artist.	× I am ambidextrous.
✓ I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed. (do cats count?)	× If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.	× I have terrible teeth.
× I hate my toes.	✓ I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.	× I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
✓ I have lived in either three different states or countries. (california, wisconsin, ohio, tennessee)	✓ I am extremely flexible.	× I love hugs more than kisses.
× I want to own my own business.	× I smoke.	✓ I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
✓ Nobody has ever said I'm normal.	✓ Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.	× I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.
✓ I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.	✓ I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.	✓ I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
× I have played strip poker with someone else before.	✓ I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.	× I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
× I can't stand being alone.	✓ I have at least one obsession at any given time.	× I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
✓ I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment. (it's always books)	× I'm a judgmental asshole.	× I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
✓ I have travelled on more than one continent.	× I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.	× I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
× I am a Libertarian.	× I can speak more than one language.	× I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
× I would rather read than watch TV.	× I like reading fact more than fiction.	✓ I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
× I have no piercings.	× I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.	× I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.	✓ There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.	× I like most animals better than most people.
× I own a collection of retro games consoles.	× The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.	× I have hit someone with a dead fish.
× I am compulsively honest.	× I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.	× I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
× I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.	× I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.	× I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
× I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.	× I dislike milk.	× I obsessively wash my hands.
✓ I always carry something significant around with me. (I have this jumanji piece that is a totem from a trip I took with the kids a couple of years ago. I also have the ambu bag that they gave me for my daughter when she was a premie new born. She is 19 now.)	× Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.	✓ I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
× Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.	× I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.	✓ I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
× I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.	× Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed.	× I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
× I do not 'get' most comedy acts.	× I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing.	× I don't like to chew gum.
× I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.	× I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.	× I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years.
✓ I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other.	× I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.	✓ I love to sing.
× I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.	× I have a custom-built computer.	✓ I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it. (Johnny Depp)
✓ I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human. (Torture Chamber is the MAN!)	✓ I've gone skinny-dipping.	✓ I've performed in three plays.
✓ I enjoy burritos.	✓ I'm Irish and loving it. (half and indifferent)	× I have a thing for redheads.
× I am a twin!	× Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'.	✓ Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else.
× I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.	× I sleep more than 12 hours a day.	✓ I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.
✓ I need more time to myself.	× I wish I was more open-minded.	✓ I hope that I go really prematurely grey. (I did!)
✓ I download songs from the internet.	× I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend.	× I say random things to freak people out.
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note.	× I love playing Truth or Dare.	× I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.
✓ Music helps me remember that I am not alone.	✓ Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.	✓ I think this survey is particularly long.
× I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones.	× I can only hate someone that I love.	✓ I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks.

Dream

2006-07-18T14:13:59Z

I dreamed that robbers came into my house and stole the tvs and computers. Then they set up a flea market in the living room and dining room! I nabbed them and threatened them into submission with my new shower head which I said I would use as a shuriken. They lined up on a pile of Persian rugs, with their hands over their heads. We waited for the cops. I got my stuff back. The dream changed to Wiscon. There was a gift shop there, very cool one--lots of cosmetics and clothes. I went in to shop. I bought this pretty white outfit, pants and a halter top. The shop keeper threw in two bras for free because she heard I got robbed. Then another shop keeper gave me free panties. I was all set for the banquet! Woke up two minutes before my alarm went off.